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The training of the shrew.

The latest wave to hit LJ: talking about the Nerds article.

Yes. Well. I agree with some of what the article has to say, but I also have to note that my own high school's situation was... different.

I went to a rather small high school. There were 32 people in my graduating class. Yes, that small. It wasn't really split by popularity, so much as it was split into cliques of three or four people each.

There were Jocks, but I only rarely interacted with them, at least after sophmore year.

No, I was the specific target of choice for a clique of three people. This clique included one fellow who had been, in grade school and junior high, one of my best friends. He went on to graduate at the top of the class. He was a rather smart and vicious little bastard. His favorite weapons were words. Just goes to show that the smart ones are not always the victims.

I learned quite a lot from this clique. I learned betrayal. I learned not to trust. I learned to relate to adults much better than to my peers. I learned to keep my mouth shut, to deny others weapons against me. I learned to hate. Deeply. I learned self loathing and doubt.

They were impressive tutors. I still carry most of these lessons to this day, though I try to unlearn them.


When my decade class re-union came around a few years ago, I did not go. The hate was still too intense, after all this time. Perhaps I should have gone, and let bygones be. It is not nearly so simple as that, though.

I still owe them for who they helped me become. And I don't like that side of myself.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 20th, 2003 06:28 am (UTC)
I read your post, and I hear my own voice echoing in those words. Feeling more comfortable with adults, rather than your peers, learning not to trust the motivations of others, the whole nine yards. All I can offer up in the way of good news is that life did get better. I did meet people who were good, and genuine and trustworthy. Those few people from high school that I did feel were worth knowing, I kept in touch with. The rest of the cesspool that was my high school can rot in their reunion hells for all I care. Why don't you and I go out for a cup of coffee and talk about the good old days.... like yesterday, because high school sure as hell wasn't good.
Feb. 24th, 2003 10:07 am (UTC)
.... i had Written a page long responce.. but i read over it.. and i decided to go with a short.. "wow, i know how you feel.. -.-"

Mar. 3rd, 2003 02:55 pm (UTC)
it's sad...
When that happens.

I've seen what that does, and I can see it happening to me.

I've seen people reduced to mere emotional husks over the cruelty of others.

Suffice it to say... I know how you feel.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )